Monday, June 30, 2008

P.U.S.H. (Pray Until Something Happens)


Towards the end of each year, I begin working on a list of things I want to accomplish in the new year. I don't call my list a New Year's Resolution because of the stigma associated with resolutions. Instead, I refer to my list as short term goals, a life plan, a semi road map, if you will, on how I want my year to manifest.

Every year, I compile my list, vowing to stop, start or learn any number of things aimed at improving my quality of life. The process of writing this list is more exhausting than actually attempting any of the things on said list, but I do it anyway.

My list includes everything from figuring out how to live on a better budget to saving more money to paying off credit card debt to the jagged pill of weight loss. Needless to say, year after year, I fail miserably.

I don't know if it's the pending change in season or the subconscious mind screwing with with me, but without fail, my list of goals rears it's ugly head around late spring. And there I am, confronted, exposed--on the heels of yet another summer, still overweight and wondering, whatever happened to that budget?!?!

How did I let this happen AGAIN?

Being the all or nothing kind of girl I was, I'd bury that list, never to be seen or thought of again, that is, until I embarked on the task of mapping a new year. What's the point of trying to do anything with a list mid year, when in a few months it'll be time to plan for the next one?

But something out of the ordinary happened this year.

I compiled this year's list, which went a little like....

1. Study Bible and work on building stronger faith.
2. Spend less time engaged in the lives of others.
3. Get credit card debt paid off.
4. Take a writing course.
5. Learn how to wear make up.
6. Finally lose the weight.
7. Invest in cuter clothes.

Along with compiling this year's list, I vowed not to beat myself up if I didn't accomplish everything on the list. Instead, I just prayed for a little bit of mercy and a whole lot of divine guidance on how to be my best self this year.

How many of you believe that God answers prayers?

Would you believe that I actually pick up my Bible on days other than Sundays?

Truth be told, I have more time for bible study, because I spend less time tuned into everyone else's story!

If you thought I wasn't serious about paying off my minor credit card debt, then you won't believe me when I say I've paid off 50% my credit card debt to date.

Who would have thought that after months of foregoing taking a creative writing course because I didn't have the money to spare, that I would find a 10-week course offered through the city park district for a whopping $30. The teacher is fantastic!

I think the biggest success this year has been getting in the ring with weight loss. I've been fighting this battle for almost 20 years without a solid victory to speak of--until today. Will you celebrate with me as I tell you, I've lost 16.4 lbs? I'm not on any fad diet, not trying any gimmicks, no quick fixes. I'm simply exercising and eating better. 16 pounds may not be 61 pounds, but I've never felt more encouraged and positive about this journey than I'm feeling right now! I'm finally on my way!!!

You'll see that there are two goals above that I've not yet mentioned, make up and clothes. I've not worked much towards achieving either of these for different reasons not worth getting into. In the grand scheme of my life over the past few months, make up and clothes aren't nearly as important as they use to be. There was a time when I felt that if I only had the right clothes and the right make up, all would be well. It's amazing how the mind eventually catches up with the heart.

All in all, I started this blog not to brag about good fortune, but rather to give thanks for the blessing bestowed on my life. For the first time, I feel a sense of balance. I still have moments of internal chaos, but my ability to recover is at a record high. Even in the valley, I have a better perspective and outlook on my life.

My faith is growing immensely and I'm learning to listen with my heart. For this, I'm humbled and grateful!