3.2 lbs away from losing...

Your girl is doing the damn thing!

Seriously waiting for the world to change...

Dear John Mayer:

fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck You! FUCK YOU!

Sincerely,
A Former Fan

The Significance of 1

Finally in Onederland!!! One represents the number of pounds until my transition to Onederland will really feel official.

To date: -42.8 lbs

Dirty 30: T minus 16 days

Pray/Give/Pray/Give

...the only words that seem relevant in the aftermath of Haiti's despair.

I, I, I, I, I, I, I, want you, you, you, you, you, you, you (c) E. Badu

I'm not quite sure why I'm so obsessed with these True Religion Joey jeans (oh wait, they're dumb fly that's why), but all I know is that I'm dangerously close to finally fitting a pair. I'm talking, I can get them on, but I can't button them...yet! And because I got the lightnin' and thunder (no, I don't get it from my momma), the thigh area is also a bit tight. Just you wait though, I'm on that Kanye workout plan! I will comfortably rock these on my birthday, even if I have to stop eating to do it. Ok, that last part is a lie, but you get the point. I want these jeans badly. 60 days and counting. You heard it here first!

BTW: To date, I've lost 40 lbs, 26 lbs more to go!

Feeling inspired...

And on that path to freedom, Harriett Tubman had one piece of advice.

If you hear the dogs, keep going.
If you see the torches in the woods, keep going.
If they're shouting after you, keep going.
Don't ever stop. Keep going.
If you want a taste of freedom, keep going.

taken from Hillary Clinton's DNC speech on 8/26/08

It's a new dawn...

I did it!!! October has come and gone and I am 8 lbs lighter. Oh, yes! I might not have stuck to my manifesto as I declared at the end of September, but I dug deep and worked hard. I can now officially claim October as my biggest weight loss month.

I was so psyched about my triumph that I cleaned out my closet this weekend. Two-thirds of my wardrobe is currently folded in several neat piles (thanks mommy) on my living room floor waiting to be bagged and donated to the brown elephant.

When I noticed how much I had to give away, I'll admit, I almost couldn't believe it. Where did it all come from? How did I get so much? I realized that I had way more clothes than my daily wardrobe ever acknowledged. I remembered many a morning, tearing through my closet, angrily, bitterly, unable to find a suitable outfit for work. Getting dressed use to be such a frustrating activity because I always felt my closet was just inept. I bought and I bought and I bought, yet in the end, nothing looked right, fit right or made me feel good about myself.

On my living room floor sits nine blouses, nine skirts, six sweaters, six pairs of slacks, five dresses, five pairs of jeans, four t-shirts, three suits, three coats, and shoes. Oh, don't even get me started on the shoes. You don't even want to know that I own over 60 pairs of shoes.

Looking at the massive piles sitting on my living room floor made me a bit sad and ashamed. I mean seriously, four black dresses? It's unconscionable that I've amassed such excess.

All isn't lost though. I believe there is a lesson in all things.

Cleaning out my closet this weekend has allowed me to see myself just a little bit clearer. It exposed my tendency to overcompensate (read: over-shop) when I'm not feeling my best. Funny thing is, I never really feel any better in the end. All I've done is given myself a temporary high that my wallet and closet can't support (yes, my closet unit fell for the second time last month). The writings have been on the wall about my shopping for quite some time. I've vowed to stop filling myself (and my closet) up with stuff. I don't have to and I certainly don't need to, not anymore.

I'm finding as the weight comes off, so do the layers of the shell I've been hiding in. I'm working on me inside and outside. There are some less desirable characteristics and behaviors I need to address, but overall, I'm liking myself a lot.

So, I went shopping this weekend because I needed to add a few pieces to my now defunct wardrobe. I bought one coat, one dress, one sweater and one pair of jeans because one of each was all I truly needed. It felt good.

Incidentally, I discovered, I lost two whole dress sizes as evidenced in my new pair of jeans. I haven't seen this size since 8th grade.

It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good
(c) Feeling Good, Nina Simone